He Loves Me

If you were expecting a 'He loves me not' after the title, you might be disappointed. No, this is not a post about plucking petals from a flower but a post about how awesome He has been to me.

As you probably know from my previous post, I did not place in any of the writing competitions I joined recently. It's sad... yes, but a sadness that lasts only for a minute. Why? Because I know God is faithful.

Even though I might not be a published author yet, God is not stingy with me. He has blessed me once again with a new freelance contract; a monthly writing gig, that adds a significant amount to my current monthly income. Those who know me personally know that I already earn more than the average person with 1 year working experience, and with this new contract I'm earning more. 

Not that anyone would complain about earning more, but I never expected that within a year I could be earning this much as a writer with a day job and a freelance job. I've read of how a lot of people are struggling to get a job these days and I find myself in a comfortable position with nothing to lack. On top of that, my jobs aren't hard for me either. So I really, really, really have to thank God for that.

I still have dreams to achieve and it might take years for me to achieve them, but I know that God will not hold back His blessings before it happens. He is not stingy and He always does more than what my heart secretly desires. He blesses me when He thinks He should, and it pleases Him to do so. 

After all, He loves me... unconditionally.

Beautiful Times

“This fight of my life is so hard, but I’m gonna survive. Oh, oh, these are beautiful times.” – Beautiful Times, Owl City 

The most beautiful times in life are the experiences of fighting and surviving. Why? Because when you look back one day and see how far you have come, you would have to admit that the hardest time in your life brought you here.

No it wasn’t the first film you starred in, but the first audition you failed to get.

No it wasn’t the day you received your doctorate, but the exam you had to retake.

No it wasn’t the time you closed your biggest business deal, but the day you got fired.

No it wasn’t the moment you became an international bestselling author, but the times you lost writing competitions.

These are beautiful times.

The moments that made you stronger, the moments that threatened your passion, the moments that could have broken you but did not. These moments are beautiful.

Yes, at a first glance it is not pretty. The grotesques sight of failure will be the first thing we see, but if we peel through the layers we will find the beauty of fresh determination and hope.

I write this today because this week is the week most of the contests I’ve joined reveals their shortlists. And guess what? I did not make the cut for all of them. Still, I’m going to survive.

Oh, oh, these are beautiful times.

Chronic Worrier or Conscience Worrier?

This quote just rendered me speechless.

I don't think I'm a chronic worrier because I don't imagine things to go badly all the time, but I am a worrier when it comes to my guilty conscience.

When I make mistakes, small or big, I always think of the worst thing that can happen to me. Even though nothing has happened yet, I have the tendency to let my imaginations run wild and get all worked up over what may or may not happen. This kind of worry can follow me to the bed and end up giving me nightmares... to that extent, I know I have a problem.

I'm not saying worrying is a problem, rather my habit of over dwelling in the uncertainty of situations causes me to lose focus. Of course worrying is not a good thing, but everyone worries because it's humanly to do so. But worry shouldn't be mentally crippling, and my kind of worries can become mentally crippling.

So how do I deal with it? 

I google. I google for solutions on how to stop worrying... which I immediately realize is not something I should be doing. 

Instead of hoping the internet would give me peace, a voice inside of me told me to turn to God. After all, I told God about the situations and He knows I regret making bad decisions. I don't know if God will step in and help me out, but I know God knows. So why am I looking for answers online when God knows everything and has the power to 'save' me from my mistakes?

Faith has been my spiritual gift especially when it comes to my future, but I now know that faith goes beyond that. It tackles the little or not so little humanly problems too. I should practice my faith and trust God is in control. If He thinks I should own up to my mistake, then I should. If He wants to bail me out, then I should thank Him. 

So to stop worrying, I will let God be the judge of me and trust He only does things to make me a better person.

That being said, I'm not a horrid person. I make mistakes like everyone else. So no, I'm not burying people in my backyard... I don't even have a backyard.

It Has Been Done

You know that TV series Haven? I don't watch it but my dad does. Some days when he plays it, I'm around to take a few glances at what is happening. I'm not a fan of the show but I sort of know what is going on. 

Strangely, in those moments when I 'catch' the show, I always end up saying, "Hey! I had that idea too!"

No, I have not read a single Stephen King book, but I have watched some of his films. And strangely, some of the ideas that I have are similar to the King. No, I did not copy him... obviously. 

It's frustrating because now I contemplate on using those ideas, since someone older and well known has already used them. If only I was born earlier, I might have just been the pioneer to those ideas! 

That being said, I'm not really sure if I should be solely frustrated. I mean, I've had multiple ideas similar to Stephen King and not because I'm a fan of his or have read his works. They are ideas that pop up in my head just like how they popped up in his head. Does that mean I would be the next Stephen King? 

I humour you.. right? 

Stephen King has not been an author I've been compared to. Some comment my horror to be Poe like, but I would never dare agree to that. I'm flattered, yes, but to be placed on the same level as Edgar Allan Poe? That's too much of an expectation. I'm also not big on horror and my ideas are usually implemented in fantasy. 

Stephen King and I might have similar ideas but we insert them into different genres. I'm also pretty sure I'm not the only one with those ideas... after all, original ideas are hard to come by. 

At the end of this post, I still do not know if I should be frustrated or flattered. Oh well, at least I know I do have some originality in me. I'd like to think so and I hope my readers would back me up on that notion :)